Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Trump In 1776: Women love me because they'll be hung by a rope in the town square if they declare otherwise.

   Sat through half of 'Pitch Perfect' with my wife and daughter before realizing it wasn't a movie about baseball.

   My puppy is afraid of shirts, ice cream trucks, blankets that vaguely take human shape, and boxes, but has no problem with fireworks.

   What winter jacket brand is best if I'll be spending the months of July and August in the Corporate Office Building?

   Not saying that I have commitment issues, but my favorite part of Forrest Gump is when he just keeps running.

   Please remember if their online dating profile photo is iffy that's the best one out of all the photos ever taken of them.

   The FBI owes General David Petraeus an apology. Heck ... What's good for the Goose ... is also good for the Gander.

   So ..... FBI Director James Comey Sure Has Changed his views a Lot Since He Prosecuted Martha Stewart hasn't he … Folks ... Do some research and check it out.

   n't it curious that the SAME FBI interviewed the Orlando Shooter 3 times and found nothing incriminating ..... ALSO interviewed Hillary Clinton and found nothing incriminating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ....... Ya folks ..... We're really in good hands now!

   HECK .... If she can get away with this Crap NOW ...... Just think what she could get away with as President!!! Seriously ..... If you are really serious about your own future .... and the future of this nation ...... THINK ABOUT IT!!!

   WELL .... Apparently the rhythm method doesn't work!

   BREAKING: FBI finds John Wilkes Booth "extremely careless" in discharge of firearm.

   .... The Manchurian Candidates that have been offered under the Liberal banner are the Useful Idiots that Vladimir Lenin and Joseph Stalin spoke of to overthrow their opponents.

   Once a Clinton, always a liar.

   HA she didn't have "intent to obstruct?"...When ordered to hand over ALL e-mails SHE deleted thousands of work emails, lied under oath saying she did handed over ALL e-mails, LIED when saying none were classified Then FBI states thy found HUNDREDS of them

   Dear Hillary Clinton: Unlike Liberal Democrats ..... Being Inept and Absolutely Flippant and Negligent with secure US secrets and total disregard for Security Protocol are not exactly the best qualifications that I am looking for in a President.

   "Too big to fail"...."Too big to jail"... same thing

   I'm gonna party this weekend like its THE PURGE

   If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.

   I was just informed that The Purge: Independence Day is just a movie. Does anyone know a good defense attorney?