Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1175 of 6383
I accidentally got my blow up doll pregnant. Related: I've got some balloons for sale.
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07-10-2016 11:38
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The FIRST Rule of Marriage Club is .... She's ALWAYS Right.
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07-10-2016 11:27
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I'm not worried about Werewolves, Vampires, Zombies or Haunted Hotels .... I'm worried about what real Human Beings will do to other Human Beings.
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07-10-2016 11:26
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obviously I'm against a baby fight club on a moral basis but in terms of humor... it's pure gold
if you hitchhike make sure to use your thumb correctly or people might think you're just congratulating them on their excellent driving
Ah, my youth: We sang praises to our processed meat products. Bologna had a first name. We all wished to be wieners. It was a gentler age.
I may not be the brightest crayon in the tool shed but at least I'm great at analogies.
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07-10-2016 06:25 by huck
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The way a dog that doesn't play fetch looks at a thrown ball—that's how I feel about everything.
CarefreeBlackKids2k16 offers both heated arguments with friends and figuring out how the dog filter works on Snapchat. Great way to unite America!
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07-10-2016 05:50
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My desire to be well-informed during this presidential election is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.
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07-10-2016 05:46
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Your credit history may be a determining factor when applying for a loan or to be a future Trump supporter.
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07-10-2016 05:42
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First Child: Top-of-the-line diaper bag filled with everything he'll need until college.
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07-10-2016 05:40
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Second Child: Used diaper bag filled with enough basic essentials for the day.
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07-10-2016 05:39
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Third Child: Plastic grocery bag filled with one diaper, a half eaten cracker, and a flask.
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07-10-2016 05:37
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Among those in attendance at Lin-Manuel Miranda's final "Hamilton" performance were U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry, Jennifer Lopez, Jane Fonda, Rosie O'Donnell, Spike Lee and Mariska Hargitay. Too bad Alexander Hamilton missed the last performance.
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07-10-2016 05:27
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There's a secret apartment at the top of the Eiffel Tower. Oui, Oui, this is where I plan to meet a French prostitute the next time I visit Paris.
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07-10-2016 05:22
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The FBI recommends no charges be filed against Hillary Clinton. My next question is, when will Donald Trump be indicted and for what?
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07-10-2016 05:14
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Our kids will never know the terror of calling a crush and having a parent answer the phone.
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07-10-2016 05:07
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I am crying finding out that the world's greatest neurosurgeons finally meet, Dr. Drake Ramoray and Dr. Derek Shepard. What?!?! They are supposed to be dead.
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07-10-2016 05:05
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Where's B.lack Lives M@tter when 6 kids in Chicago get shot by other Black kids? Deserves an honest answer ... right?
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07-10-2016 01:50
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