Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Notice to all you "bar star" chicks out there....STD'S aren't Pokemon, you don't have to catch them all!!

   I've noticed that when you remove the vowels from "female" you get FML.

   You think the world is conflicted now? Wait until we discover a new inhabitable planet and then try to figure which races and religions to take there.

   Always Put This On Your Online Dating Profile: My hobbies include taking LSD and rescuing stray dogs.

   Get lost in nature during a hike and you will definitely not find yourself, more like you could quite possibly die....

   Well aren't you just a fun little pretty lollipop triple dipped in psycho....

   Legend says when you can't sleep it's because you are awake in someone else's dreams....when I find out who you are I'm going to punch you right in the face.

   A birth certificate is basically a baby receipt.

   Females don't want much from you except your time, attention, space, food, shirts, fun, bed covers, genitals, passwords, credit cards, life and soul.

   Science....because the answer never turned out to be magic. Ever.

   .... In a world collapsing ..... What do YOU prefer? ...... Comforting LIES .... Or .... Unpleasant TRUTHS?

   .... Do you think ISIS cares about Pathetic Hashtags, Prayers or ... Candles? Wake up Earth!! They care not about you ....

   I'd love to watch Samuel L Jackson and Morgan Freeman get into a heated argument while James Earl Jones tries to stop them.

   Black Beatles Lives Matter. Black Eyed Peas Matter. Black Leather Jackets Matter. Now Black Off And Leave Me The F#ck Alone. . .

   Stop checking my Status , Go and love your GF

   Skip the next 20 pages, nothing worth stealing.

   ... Look .... I'm Sorry but if I see you walk into a fence or wall or see you fall into a pothole because you were looking for Pikachu ... I'm only gonna Laughachu!

   Went out with this really cute babe today .... Was really kinda disappointed when she took off her bra to find out it just full of Pokemon.

   Two words: Pokemon No

   ... Seriously .... I really don't know when the giant UFO landed and dumped off all of these stupid people .... But one thing's for sure .... They ain't coming back for them!