Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1160 of 6446

Donald Trump says he didn't discuss Mexico paying for the wall with President Nieto because he thought he was the janitor.
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09-02-2016 15:19
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If Trump wins, I'm going to open a florist shop near the Mexican border. And yes, I will call the shop "Wallflowers."
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09-02-2016 15:18
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The only thing worse than Penn State honoring Joe Paterno before the Temple game would be if Temple honored Bill Cosby.
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09-02-2016 15:17
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Sometimes Jesus counts unlimited breadsticks, as one of His miracles.
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09-02-2016 15:16
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I clicked on a link and it said "Attachment Unavailable". That's dating in a nutshell.
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09-02-2016 15:15
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Always spike my coffee from a hidden flask that contains more coffee.
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09-02-2016 15:15
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Most Mexicans affectionately refer to Donald Trump as "El Piñata."
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09-02-2016 15:14
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Most people don't realize the phrase "I could eat a horse" came from Dolph Lundgren after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
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09-02-2016 15:13
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"We need to talk about your son. The only questions he got correct on the test were about the Kardashians." -Middle/High school teachers everywhere
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09-02-2016 15:13
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Those credit card companies are pretty tricky hiding the security code on the back of the card.
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09-02-2016 15:10
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Notes From The Teacher: Please have little Johnny practice the phrase, "Paper or plastic?"
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09-02-2016 15:09
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If we all pretend to not see or hear Donald Trump, I bet he'd just go away. After all, his narcissism is based on attention.
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09-02-2016 13:44
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Call me crazy, but I'd rather see a taco truck on every corner than an anti-choice bigot on every Supreme Court seat.
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09-02-2016 13:18
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Threatening Americans by saying there'll be "a taco truck on every corner" is like threatening The Kardashians' with more magazine covers.

I've reached that age where scratching my b@lls has become both an art and a science. Actually, it's a finely tuned combination of both a taffy pull and a game of hot potato.
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09-02-2016 11:40 by Big Tate
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FOX News has the most embarrasing moments on TV EVER! Every time you think they're done embarresing themselves - WOW!
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09-02-2016 10:57
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Remember yesterday was September.... So,, Only three more months of summer
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09-02-2016 10:37 by Snotty
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I'm OK with the French beach laws,, but the KKK shouldn't be allowed to wear their burkas either... *Ya know,, fairness
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09-02-2016 10:35 by Snotty
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My hobbies include but are not limited to, being difficult for no reason & not responding to texts.
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09-02-2016 09:16
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Heyyyy Chill out. Were NOT building a wall... Just kidding D-Bagz , of course we are.
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09-02-2016 09:12
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