Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Sometimes to make myself feel better I wrap up my hopes and dreams with bacon.
←Rate | 09-12-2016 02:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is my favorite movie that sounds like a bad Mexican orgy.
←Rate | 09-12-2016 02:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Listen to the Native Americans. "You can't drink oil"
←Rate | 09-12-2016 00:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hillary Clinton was Diagnosed on Friday with Highly Contagious Bacterial Pneumonia and has been out in public all weekend! Is there something about the words "Highly Contagious" that she and her "Doctors" don't understand? Well that's ObamaCare For ya!
←Rate | 09-11-2016 22:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe the pipelines are not the most perfect way to turn our country green, but I'm certainly not going to be able to afford those solar panels if I'm paying $4.95 a gallon.
←Rate | 09-11-2016 21:33 by Lewis S. Comments (0)  


   messageicon hillary immitating the twin towers
←Rate | 09-11-2016 21:15 by michael hall Comments (0)  


   messageicon "It's not you, it's me." -Twins looking at some family photos.
←Rate | 09-11-2016 18:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The winds of change can blow me.
←Rate | 09-11-2016 13:37 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Above and beyond? I mostly go below and around.
←Rate | 09-11-2016 13:33 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I left a restaurant last night because it was too loud... Am I in AARP now?
←Rate | 09-11-2016 07:29 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon North Korean Twitter must be pretty lame...
←Rate | 09-11-2016 05:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rick Astley called, he changed his mind, he's giving you up.
←Rate | 09-11-2016 05:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The worst thing about staying in a hotel during your vacation is learning the order of the tv channels.
←Rate | 09-11-2016 05:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gary Johnson is the Discover Card of presidential candidates. You'll use him in a pinch, but you're kind of embarrassed about it.
←Rate | 09-11-2016 05:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love the samples at Costco, however I think of them more as tapas you have to fight strangers to the death over.
←Rate | 09-11-2016 05:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Slept like a baby last night. Abandoned, outside of a church in the rain.
←Rate | 09-11-2016 05:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Melania Trump homemaker tip: When sorting your laundry, don't forget to separate your deplorables from your coloreds.
←Rate | 09-11-2016 04:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hardest part of hearing about my wife's work day is trying to recall the lyrics to the Growing Pains theme song.
←Rate | 09-11-2016 04:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Visited a horse farm for the first time in my life yesterday and asked if the place the horses stay is called a neigh-borhood. I need to get out more.
←Rate | 09-11-2016 04:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wonders if Jay Z ever addressed the 99 other problems he had.
←Rate | 09-11-2016 04:54 Comments (0)  




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