Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1153 of 6446

My kid just called Child Protective Services because he still has an iPhone 5S.
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09-10-2016 06:02
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ITT Tech shutting down, which is a bad sign for other fake schools like University of Phoenix, Devry University, or Texas A&M.
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09-09-2016 16:05
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High School In 5 Words: Wore helmet. Didn't play football.
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09-09-2016 16:02
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You don't have to brush your teeth nearly as often when you're in a long distance relationship.
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09-09-2016 15:58
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I feel bad for whichever government employee has to monitor me, as me vacuuming alone looks like a movie directed by David Lynch.
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09-09-2016 15:57
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Nordstrom is a Swedish word that means “1 for the price of 2.”
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09-09-2016 15:56
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If Matt Lauer asks Tim Tebow about Aleppo it could break the internet.
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09-09-2016 15:55
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Pokemon Go is coming to the new Apple Watch, which should double the speed at which I no longer care about either.
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09-09-2016 15:54
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As a parent 40% of your time raising a teenager is threatening to take their bedroom door off the hinges....
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09-09-2016 15:53
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Trump promises to give generals 30 days to create a plan to defeat ISIS. He also wants them to create a perfume and shoot the ads or they'll be fired.
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09-09-2016 15:53
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Ann Coulter called "c*nt" 19 times during the 2 hour Comedy Central roast. Less than she's used to over a 2 hour period, but still a lot.
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09-09-2016 15:52
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Taylor Swift & Tom Hiddleston split. What?!?! No one saw this coming except her label which began cover art for her new album the night they kissed.
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09-09-2016 15:51
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Matt Lauer got his journalism degree in a Bazooka Joe comic.
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09-09-2016 15:49
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Q-Tips. The only product that warns you against its only use.
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09-09-2016 15:49
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Roger Ailes is offering to sleep with all Female Trump supporters to raise money for charity.
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09-09-2016 15:48
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Gave this girl my number and now she won't stop texting me. "Your table is ready. Please check in with the host." Geez....give me some space.
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09-09-2016 15:47
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Not do be outdone by the iPhone 7, Samsung announced today that their new phone will have a slightly less exploding battery.
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09-09-2016 15:46
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Cut Gary Johnson some slack. Donald Trump thought Aleppo was one of the Marx Brothers.
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09-09-2016 15:45
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Did you know, The White House was almost the Mauve House if not for a mix up at Sherwin-Williams.
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09-09-2016 15:45
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Putin has an 82% approval rating. The other 18% will be dead soon.
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09-09-2016 15:44
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