Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The U.S. birthrate is at an all-time low. The birthrate is now so low that "The Maury Povich Show" may have to cut back to just half an hour.

   I think Eminem should become a dentist just so he can say "snap back to reality, oh there's a cavity."

   Melania Trump got nothing compared to the plaguerism that has been happening here

   I'm so old I'm still looking for Waldo. F*ck Pokemon.

   People are playing Pokemon and Scott Baio is relevant again while I'm over here deciding when to see that new movie "Titantic."

   Melania Trump: "So if I marry the ugly Orange man......I'm a citizen...no?"

   Ted Cruz did not go against Trump, He took the last life preserver off the Titantic off the railing and jumped ship. He did not even yell women and children first just took it and jumped.

   Mike Pence is a wax sculpture in a museum of what people used to believe and live like centuries ago.

   If Peter Parker's occupation isn't as a web designer in the new Spider-Man movie I officially give up....

   Do women get annoyed more easily than men, or are men better at annoying than women?

   Trump's RNC is like the episode of Kitchen Nightmares where the guy that never worked in a restaurant bought one, but with a country.

   Scott Baio speaks at the GOP convention on Monday and the creator of Happy Days dies on Tuesday. Coincidence? I think not.

   The worst part about trying to kill a fly in your house is when it starts to mock you.

   Why is Columbia the only school capable of producing Ghostbusters?

   My girlfriend asked me when I last had s ex with someone that wasn't her. I said.... "back in '06". It sounds much better than "June"

   blame the a hole running t his platform for allowing this political bs to fly.

   If I was a ghost, I'd write "Happy Birthday" in blood on your wall for your birthday, cuz you may be cursed, but it's still your birthday.

   Maybe the Pokemon Go players with jobs should drop some "lures" near the local unemployment offices and "temp" agencies! If they can put so much energy into looking for an imaginary animal maybe they can put some energy into finding a job!

   My dog acts pretty tough for someone who's afraid of cotton balls

   I don't like saying goodbye, so I'll just Say Stormtrooper, That way you know I'll always miss you .