Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1143 of 6446

Been watching my neighbor through the blinds, he's so creepy....
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09-18-2016 04:36
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Son, when I was your age there was no social media. You had to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women.
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09-18-2016 04:35
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Gary Johnson 2016 #FeelTheJohnson
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09-17-2016 17:47
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Hmmmm Learned today that the Obama Administration has given Mexico $75 Million to build a wall along Mexico's Southern Border!!! Question: What part of "We need to secure the AMERICAN Border" does Mr. Obama and Hillary NOT understand?
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09-17-2016 17:18
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First Law of Holes is: If you are in one .... Stop Digging.
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09-17-2016 17:12
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Things I like about Autumn is slipping on a leaf that was hiding a piece of dog poop beneath it. Love that!!!
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09-17-2016 16:26
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Driving 42 miles to buy the same apples I could get 50% cheaper at the local grocery store 2 miles from my house is the reason why I absolutely love Autumn.
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09-17-2016 16:25
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I never broke up with my summer camp fling....technically we're still dating. My commitment issues are over!
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09-17-2016 16:24
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What if Donald Trump's entire immigration policy was just an elaborate ploy to divorce Melania?
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09-17-2016 16:22
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Staying focused is very challenging when there's so much porn on the Internet.
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09-17-2016 16:21
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The most uncomfortable part of seeing your work colleague crying at their desk is asking them if it's because they're crazy.
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09-17-2016 16:20
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When you see a Snowden movie directed by Oliver Stone, do the theater ushers hand out tin foil hats instead of 3D glasses?
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09-17-2016 16:18
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Just took a power nap on a park bench. Made $8.13 in change.
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09-17-2016 16:17
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Other Classic Jimmy Fallon Bits: 1) Coyishly rubbing oil on Putin's bare chest. 2) Playing footsie with Saddam Hussein. 3) Tugging Osama's beard.
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09-17-2016 16:16
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What I really seek is a career where I can combine my three main strengths as a worker: sulking, sighing and complaining about management.
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09-17-2016 16:15
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Wonder what the electric eel was called, before electricity was invented.
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09-17-2016 16:13
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Interesting. Donald Trump Jr. said his dad releasing tax returns would lead to too many questions. Questions like, "Why have you never, ever paid taxes?"
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09-17-2016 16:12
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Donald Trump claims to only be 236 pounds. His pot belly, turkey neck and jowls plead the fifth.
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09-17-2016 16:11
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The best threesome is two chocolate chip cookies sandwiching ice cream.
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09-17-2016 16:10
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Did you know the NFL has announced they'll pledge $100 million to prevent player concussions; still no word on preventing their wives concussions.
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09-17-2016 16:09
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