Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1142 of 6447

The biggest lie I tell myself is 'No need to write that down. I'll remember it.'
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09-20-2016 06:50
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Coolio arrested at LAX after a loaded gun was found in a carry-on bag. But what else do you bring on holiday to a gangsta's paradise?
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09-20-2016 00:54
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My First Question In Hell: What do you mean there's no ketchup and no ice water?
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09-20-2016 00:53
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To me everyday is Talk Like A Pirate Day and that's why I'm in between jobs right now.
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09-20-2016 00:52
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If you think the electoral college is the university where the election graduated from, you probably shouldn't vote.
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09-20-2016 00:51
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BREAKING: Jimmy Hoffa found buried with Corey Feldman's career. Location: Unknown.
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09-20-2016 00:50
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You never see Corey Feldman and Skrillex at the same place at the same time.
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09-20-2016 00:49
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I'm in the checkout isle and the guy behind me is smirking. What I'm buying: Hamster food, prunes, Vaseline and toilet paper. So I mouth 11pm?
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09-20-2016 00:47
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Hooters has a shuttle service that will take you to sporting events. It’s called Boober.
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09-20-2016 00:46
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If you said “all of my music is in the cloud” in the 1960s, it was due to mushrooms, not Apple.
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09-20-2016 00:44
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Wow....iPhone 7 is making odd hissing sounds. Tech experts say sounds are caused by electromagnetic effects, while I think it's just Siri farting.
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09-20-2016 00:43
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"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ONNNN?!?!" -Every horse being ridden during a civil war reenactment
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09-20-2016 00:42
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Whoever said you don't know what you have until it's gone was definitely talking about toilet paper.
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09-20-2016 00:41
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Did you know, if you hold an empty bottle of Yellow Tail Chardonnay to your ear you can hear a soccer mom complaining that she didn't get her ranch dressing.
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09-20-2016 00:40
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89% of all marriages is spent spooning your wife on the off chance she'll say "okay".
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09-20-2016 00:39
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Today concerns where raised when a glory hole was found in a public toilet. Immediately the Police were called and they are now looking into it.
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09-19-2016 23:01 by Goldie
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Hillary isn't the first woman to say I'm deplorable, and probably won't be the last

Gary Glitter failed his driving test...he did too many minors.

After it was announced that 29 people were Injured in the NY Bombing, Presidential Candidate Gary Johnson was Thankful that ‘Nobody Got Hurt’
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09-19-2016 14:49
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I like the way your medication thinks.
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09-19-2016 09:07
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