Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Farting in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
←Rate | 09-18-2016 14:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon .... The Feminist movement maintains that "All Men are Pigs" and that "Women are Equal to Men"
←Rate | 09-18-2016 12:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon English is confusing because "booty call" and "butt dial" mean very different things.
←Rate | 09-18-2016 11:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bengazi, deleting emails, donations from Saudi's, defending child rapists and laughing at their victims... feel free to make fun of Trumps hair (as that's all you've got).
←Rate | 09-18-2016 10:45 by Anthony Comments (2)  


   messageicon Weed is for people who cant afford cocaine.
←Rate | 09-18-2016 10:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wine is for parents that don't have a drug dealer.
←Rate | 09-18-2016 05:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Walmart is selling six hot dogs for a dollar if anyone wants to die.
←Rate | 09-18-2016 04:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 2016 is awesome!!! Just checked an app to see if a package was delivered to my door yet. I'm on the couch, the door is 5 feet away.
←Rate | 09-18-2016 04:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No Marijuana: Day 7 -More stamina. -Increased libido. -Decrease in mood swings. -Improved mental clarity. -I haven't slept. -3 people are dead.
←Rate | 09-18-2016 04:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Would do anything for happiness but not like diet and exercise or staying off social media and seeking help from a professional.
←Rate | 09-18-2016 04:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone just said hi to me at the gas pump what the heck is their problem....
←Rate | 09-18-2016 04:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the protocol for when you're really angry but your favourite song comes on the radio?
←Rate | 09-18-2016 04:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one looks cool waiting for a guy to make them a balloon animal.
←Rate | 09-18-2016 04:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pharmacies are like arcades for the elderly.
←Rate | 09-18-2016 04:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I think I'm ready to teach meditation but other times someone honks at me and I scream death threats.
←Rate | 09-18-2016 04:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's difficult to not be a narcissist when your birthmark is the symbol of a Dragon warrior and your hair flows in the wind indoors.
←Rate | 09-18-2016 04:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone flirts with you don't let it stop there. Flirt back, remove your shirt, put them in a headlock if you have to.
←Rate | 09-18-2016 04:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite thing about restroom graffiti is knowing the gangbanger had a sparkly marker in his pocket.
←Rate | 09-18-2016 04:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I meet people and feel bad for their dog.
←Rate | 09-18-2016 04:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why does Ashton Kutcher always look like he's withholding valuable information?
←Rate | 09-18-2016 04:38 Comments (0)  




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