Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A new poll says 74 percent of Americans will hand out candy to trick-or-treaters. While the other 26 percent plan to spend three hours hiding in the living room with the lights out.

   she was only a wrestler's daughter but you should have seen her box.

   there is a room in hell where they play an endless loop of every time you told someone you loved them and they didn't say it back

   What's the word for when someone goes 1-100km/h in 7.5 sec in a relationship only to jump out as you engage cruise control?

   Happy 18th birthday Google. You can officially go to a titty bar G ( . ) ( . ) G L E👍

   That odd moment when, during the Presidential Debates, one of the candidates takes a moment to promote their book.

   After the debate last night and according to tradition we should have a long hard winter....Both Hillary and Donald saw their shadows.

   It should be a rule that every political Facebook status or tweet should begin with - "First of all, I have absolutely no real idea what I'm talking about, this is just an uninformed opinion................."

   Lester Holts patience was the real loser of the debate

   Lester Holts hairline was the real loser of the debate.

   The Cheshire Cat grin on Hillary's face during the debate was her surprise reaction to still being able to remain standing up for 90 minutes.

   .... Hillary reminded me of my condescending Mother in-law and Trump reminded me of my Grumpy Uncle

   "The best kinda 'jobs' are under the table." - Bill Clinton

   I've never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.

   It's ALLOWED not ALOUD you moron.

   Of the 33,000 deleted emails, I think 32,000 of them were confirmation emails from Amazon for pant-suit purchases.

   It took him 5 seconds to talk about Mexico and China. *sigh*

   Liver: Is today your birthday? Me: No. I'm watching the Presidential Debate. Liver: Oh Ok, that makes sense. Please continue!!!

   Let the arguments begin! Oh, debate? We're calling this a debate? Ok, my bad.

   Actually Billy, Mommy and Daddy watch these Debates to determine just how many months or years worth of canned goods and ammunition we should be storing in the cellar.