Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1122 of 6446

I sprained a finger when I saw a post that said "unfriend me if you don't support Clinton", I couldn't click fast enough.
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10-10-2016 20:14
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I walked in on my son flushing handfuls of Skittles down the toilet "OMG! Check this out Dad!" He said excitedly "It's just like watching NASCAR at Bristol!"
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10-10-2016 16:59 by MDS
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I watched some of the debate last night...I kept on waiting for someone to say "Live from New York it's Saturday Nite"!!!!! But it never happened.....

I'd like to take this opportunity to give a shout out to those in America who still have faith in, and who resoundingly support Hillary Clinton. I applaud all 3 of yall :)
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10-10-2016 12:16
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For some reason the "Samsung Galaxy Note 7" has become the preferred phone of terrorists.
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10-10-2016 11:45
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Hillary couldn't even establish a "No Fly Zone" on her face!!
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10-10-2016 11:39
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Corn mazes would be a lot more fun if they would start earlier in the growing season and make it an "All you can eat" corn-on-the-cob-fest
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10-10-2016 10:08
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I didn't realize that the circus stayed in town so long. Also I thought there was more to it than a clown and a freaky old lady. When does it leave?
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10-10-2016 10:02
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So, one candidate wants to fix an economy that made him a billionaire while the other supports killing unborn babies but not convicted murderers...
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10-10-2016 10:02
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A coworker stopped by to inform me she had lost 30 pounds. As I watched her walk away I realize I had just found the 30 pounds.
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10-10-2016 10:00
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if you had one chance, one opportunity, to eat warm regurgitated food or fresh dog po0, what will you take? Hilarious or Dumph?
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10-10-2016 09:38
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Top 5 Fears: 1) Snakes. 2) Tornados. 3) Avalanches. 4) Spiders. 5) A baby not high fiving me back.
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10-10-2016 05:34
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Birth control pills should come in Pez dispensers that feature a tiny baby head crying on top.
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10-10-2016 05:31
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Donald Trump has no political experience. Meanwhile you need 5 years experience for an entry level management position at Chili's.
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10-10-2016 05:29
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The Lady and the Tramp spaghetti kiss scene except it's me, alone, eating a Hot Pocket over my sink.
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10-10-2016 05:28
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Probably the worst thing you can hear when you're wearing a bikini is "Good for you!"
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10-10-2016 05:27
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it still called a mimosa if it's with vodka and there's no champagne and it's in a flask and you're in a dumpster?
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10-10-2016 05:26
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When someone tells me their baby's name is Chance I just assume it's because the condom broke.
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10-10-2016 05:24
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Maybe North Korea just needs a Snickers bar.
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10-10-2016 05:23
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If you're valet parking your PT Cruiser you should just hand over the keys and tell them to drive it off a cliff.
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10-10-2016 05:22
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