Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Madonna's actual offer, since her affair with A-Rod, is "Free Herpes to everyone who votes for Hillary!"

   Ironically, Madonna's offer to Hillary Voters was the same one Amy Schumer made to her producers to get her comedy show in the first place.

   Hillary whinning that Russian hackers are leaking the truth about her rigging the election................

   Why are we surprised? Trump won't even accept the results of his own hairline.

   I am all for self-inflicted Democrat genocide. That is why I am pro-choice. Do we really want more sniveling liberals?

   DonaldTrump is doing one mean Alec Baldwin impression tonight.

   I don't know if we should give a man, or woman, who can't understand a two minute time limit the office of president. Even the brand new fry cook at McDonald's can figure out the timer.

   "When we went to Mexico, he didn't even bring up the "wall" he choked!" -Hillary

   Are they acting like a real debate?....TeamTrump having a slow start

   I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.

   I woke up early this morning with the strange desire to get up and exercise. Fortunately I rolled over and closed my eyes really tight and the feeling went away.

   I was going to dress as an evil witch for halloween but I didn't want to be mistaken as Hillary

   Let's disagree to agree. That's my motto.

   How long can I stay in a voting booth and scream "I'M STILL THINKING!!!!" before I'm physically removed? Let me know by November.

   Everyone is wondering which White House room Melania Trump plans to turn into a brazilian wax studio.

   What this country needs is more gum control. I'm getting pretty damn tired of sticky wads getting stuck to the bottom of my shoe.

   Props to Jon Bon Jovi for continuing to keep up with the hairstyles of women his age.

   Only been awake for 10 minutes and I'm already missing my fun dream friends.

   Every story about edible weed: 1) Not high. 2) Not high. 3) Still not high. 4) Not high. 5) Please drive me to the emergency room.

   Nice try, generic Cap'n Crunch, but the roof of my mouth isn't bleeding....