Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1119 of 6383
It costs you nothing to pay someone a compliment. Be nice to someone today. Kindness is contagious.
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08-15-2016 12:30 by gil
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Did you know that "Go hang a salami, Doc! Note; I dissent. A fast never prevents a fatness. I diet on cod. I’m a lasagna hog." is a palindrome? You do now.
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08-15-2016 10:17
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My wife : "What's the big deal with Usain Bolt finishing in under 10 seconds? You do that all the time."
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08-15-2016 09:34
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If you can't say something nice, go write a YouTube comment.
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08-15-2016 06:17
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Usain Bolt is the world's fastest man, but if they had a sex olympics my husband would be in the hunt for the title.
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08-14-2016 21:56
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Jesus' Greatest Miracles: 1) Turning water to wine... 2) Raising Lazarus... 3) Maintaining a milky-white complexion in a desert climate for 33 yrs
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08-14-2016 21:08 by Snotty
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Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me. Fortunately, my injuries were only super-fish-oil.
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08-14-2016 20:37
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Out of everything Johnny Depp has been accused of, his wearing a crop top jersey in Nightmare on Elm Street has got to be the worst.
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08-14-2016 16:20
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Forgive me for saying this but if you like the Rolling Stones more than the Beatles we can't be friends.
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08-14-2016 16:19
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I'm at the age where an all-nighter takes place over 2 nights.
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08-14-2016 16:18
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At least once a day I pause to remember the fish from the Faith no More video.
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08-14-2016 16:17
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Just put a stick figure family on my car so I’d have one place where I look skinny.
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08-14-2016 16:13
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Watching an Olympian biting his gold medal he just won while I bite the wine cork I just pulled out with my teeth.
Mexico isn't doing too well in the Olympics. Anyone who can run, jump, or swim has already gone to the United States.
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08-14-2016 09:52
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... Trump has been watching the Olympics to see how high the Mexican Pole Vaulters can go.
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08-14-2016 02:40
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My dog ate out of the garbage, sniffed himself, threw up and fell asleep in the kitchen. Think he's mocking me when I drink.
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08-14-2016 02:16
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People that are voting for Trump because Clinton is a liar are the same type of people that smoke Camels because Marlboros cause cancer.
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08-14-2016 02:15
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Can you please color code your meltdowns so we can keep up?
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08-14-2016 02:14
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Malia Obama smoked pot?! Uh-oh. If she keeps up this behavior, she might wind up becoming president.
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08-14-2016 02:12
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The man in the toilet stall next to me sounds like he’s pushing a car up a hill and not making any headway.
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08-14-2016 02:11
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