Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1106 of 6446

"If Hillary had balls, I would lick them.mmm yummy" - Anderson Cooper
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10-27-2016 13:26
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Ladies, if you want a man you loves you for your brains and not your body, then date a zombie.
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10-27-2016 08:20
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October is the month you affirm your socioeconomic status by going to a dirty farm.
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10-27-2016 05:47
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Have we considered that millennials might be so lazy because their generation doesn't have a hit song about taking care of business?
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10-27-2016 05:46
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Do these corduroys make me look like I have the Felicity DVD box set?
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10-27-2016 05:45
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Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
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10-27-2016 05:44
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Everyone has that one friend who goes on and on about how good roasted pumpkin seeds are. You know, the liar friend.
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10-27-2016 05:42
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Just when I thought 2016 couldn't get any worse, I realize my Kohl's cash has expired.
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10-27-2016 05:40
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My household now communicates exclusively through slammed doors and the clattering of cutlery thrown angrily into drawers.
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10-27-2016 05:40
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Scary Halloween costume idea: nobody having more respect for women than Donald Trump.
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10-27-2016 05:39
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If you're curious about how cool I was in high school just know that I can do several tricks with a yo-yo.
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10-27-2016 05:38
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I saw the pictures you posted of your baby at the pumpkin patch and I felt nothing.
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10-27-2016 05:36
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Our family rule is that if the kid's costume costs more than $50, they have to wear it to school at least four times after Halloween.
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10-27-2016 05:35
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Hipster haunted house but it's just a Trader Joe's filled with Walmart brand products.
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10-27-2016 05:34
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Love this time of year when I can dig graves in my front yard and people think it's just a cute Halloween display.
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10-27-2016 05:33
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After five minutes of talking to you I can already tell that all these books on your shelves are just for decoration.
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10-27-2016 05:32
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Nice try Halloween, I eat candy in the dark and pretend not to be home every night.
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10-27-2016 05:31
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October 27th, almost time for me to tell my kids' about the weird week long chocolate allergy they are about to get.
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10-27-2016 05:31
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You can just root for them. You don't have to try and explain how you're a legit Cubs fan because your great uncle went to Wrigley once.
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10-27-2016 05:30
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Instead of paying for a haunted house this year I'm just making the kids clean out the refrigerator.
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10-27-2016 05:29
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