mickey Funny Status Messages

   Of course I wanna go to my high school reunion! There's nothing I'd rather do than waste hundreds of dollars and precious vacation days, just to hang with a bunch of people I couldn't stand. And still can't.

   An error occurred while not trying to add your sorry a$$ to my database. Please try again later.

   NASCAR, NBA All Star Game AND The Oscars...Thank G0D there's the Cartoon Network.

   What's the deal with people who hit you up on the chat, then take twenty minutes to type their responses? DELETE.

   Why do the people with 2000+ friends acknowledge your birthday greeting to them, yet the ones with 62 friends never do?

   There are those of us here in Central FL that don't care about the Daytona 500...or as I like to call it, The Redneck Equivalent Of The Royal Wedding.

   My right hand dumped me and my left hand found someone else.

   Do you think the other planets are mean and make Jupiter cry by calling him fat?

   The way I see it, EVERY Friday is Good Friday.

   I'm convinced. Some peoples' brains are still on dial-up.

   The temps here (Orlando, FL) were in the low 30s three days ago. Today, the highs are supposed to hit the mid 80s. At exactly what point in time was Mother Nature replaced by The Three Stooges?

   I wish folks would stop these Passive Aggressive attempts at trying to guilt us into advancing their religious, social, or political causes by ending the posts with, "Let's see how many of my true friends will post this." PI$$ OFF!

   February 15th. The Black Friday for Chocoholics.

   It's 39 degrees, which tells me one thing. That effin' Groundhog knows more about the weather than those clowns on TV.

   The Bible says, "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife." It doesn't say anything about the one who lives across town.

   The Honeymooners, The Flintstones, The King Of Queens, The Simpsons and The Family Guy. They all star big dudes with thin chicks. THANKS FOR RUINING IT FOR US, MIKE N' MOLLY!

   Anyone else have the same thought that I did the first time they discovered ma$turbation? "Damn. I don't think I'll EVER leave the house again."

   When it comes to the Super Bowl, you know why everybody mostly talks about the commercials, the half-time show, and what parties they're going to? Because let's face it, the game itself is usually a snooze-fest.

   Perhaps when facebook goes public, they'll be able to afford servers that don't remind me of the unreliable one's who work the graveyard shift at Denny's.

   Olive Garden says: "When you're here you're family". I won't go there out of fear of a woman resembling my grandmother running out of the kitchen and throwing a shoe at my head.