K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I(heart) Duck"...it tastes like chicken. I said "No it doesn't". Then I realized I was talking to a bumper sticker.

   I just had an epifanny. I realized I can't spell epifanny.

   How many of my friends out there update their status' on their Blackberrys?....well?....Hello....<crickets>

   These dating sites keep setting me up with weirdos, then I realized that they match you with people with similar interests.

   Ever worry that the sensors on those automatic toilets are actually little video cameras? Bet you are now.

   After years of watching CSI, I still have never figured out why, when they walk into a dark house, they do their investigation with flashlights. One would think you could do a more thorough job if you flipped on the light.

   Guy asked girl "Does the carpet match the drapes?" she says, "Nope, hardwood floors"

   Damn, my foot's asleep, now it's going to be up all night.

   Only in West Virginia would see a bumper sticker that reads "Proud parent of a nephew"

   I'm not homophobic, some of my best shirts are gay.

   I hear that boxers don't have sex before a fight. I guess beating the crap out each other after sex would hurt their relationship.

   Trying to pop a zit in the middle of my back with bar-b-que tongs and a mirror.....sucks living alone.

   Understand women?....I think it would be easier to drive to Hawaii.

   I keep being told what to watch for in the GOP debate tonight......I checked every channel and it's not televised, Thank God.

   I keep seeing these commercials for Coors beer with the cans that have these blue bars on them that tell you when they are cold. Back in my drinking days, I just felt the can. Are people really that stupid these days?

   Had breakfast at Waffle House, as I was leaving the waitress said "Have a waffly day". Now I'm thinking great, a whole day of indecision.

   I wonder if they get hurricanes in India? Let me call there and find out, what the number to AT&T?

   One good thing about hurricane Irene. The news has pre-empted NASCAR on the east coast.

   I saw a man in a dress, with a hearing aid, smoking a joint. One of those high deaf TVs.

   The hurricane is losing strength, damn. I was hoping for a new boat in my front yard.