love Funny Status Messages

   In almost every situation, Nutella makes a great substitute for love.

   ME: (meeting the devil) I love your eggs.

   I love making pasta when I have a ton of dirty dishes in the sink. just dump that hot water in there when you’re done, and bam! you’ve got dinner and a set of totally clean dishes!

   I love my new phone that beeps and lights up every couple minutes to let me know it's battery needs charged before It uses up the last of its power to vibrate in a finely death quiver.

   Give her flowers. Women love watching a slow death.

   It hurts when someone you love says mean things to you like, "It's time to wake up and go to work."

   The best Safeword you can use is "Meatloaf." It means "I would do anything for love but I won't do that."

   My 10 yr old was hugging the cat, & whispering to him "I love you so much that you're the 2nd most loved thing in my life." Aww, I thought, she's still mama's little girl. Then she finished her whisper with "But spaghetti is my favorite thing."

   My favorite way to ruin a romantic evening is by coming out of the bathroom naked and singing Love Boat until the waiter asks us to leave.

   Her: I love that thing you do to make me moan. Me: *makes another plate of nachos*

   Me: Magic 8-Ball, will I ever find true love? Cantaloupe: Maybe if you lay off the drugs.

   We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and facebook friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone. Orson Welles

   Hi everyone, welcome to ventriloquist club! The first rule here is do not talk about ventriloquist club…with your lips moving. Haha, just a little joke to get us started. Obviously the first rule is don’t fall in love with your puppet.

   Ladies, do you like the strong, silent type? Then you'll love my farts.

   Dont try to change to please someone else. Love yourself, honor yourself, respect yourself, and be your own person, and someone will love you just they way you are!.....Unless of course your just a narcissistic jerk. Then by all.means, change!

   If anyone sees that woman drying her bra by holding it out of the car window please tell her I love her

   I love you, #GreenShirtGuy. I'm cracking up with you.

   I don't know about you, but I love paying $1,600 on an iPhone. Thank you, who ever is in charge.

   Coming out can be hard as people don't understand our way of life and can be very close minded, but I feel in this day and age I can no longer be afraid to say I love Disco!

   My wife thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it's cause I'm afraid she might try to poison me.