Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1039 of 6453

Waiter, bring me a bowl of turtle soup and make it snappy.
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01-28-2017 11:30
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Pay no attention to anything I say when I'm drunk..or sober..or any other time.
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01-28-2017 10:12
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What's with all the lame Obama jokes now? He's not been President for over a week. He's gone.....
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01-28-2017 05:06
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You know what they say, once ya go black ..... you become a single parent
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01-28-2017 01:26 by snigly
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You can always count on me to feel you up when you're feeling down
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01-27-2017 23:46
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If you say "I shouldn't be telling you this" at the beginning of a conversation people will pay attention to you.
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01-27-2017 22:18
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There are as many white rappers as there are black country singers and for the same reason .
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01-27-2017 21:59
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Have you ever been to Columbia ? 2 biggest exports are coffee and cocaine.. and the place still looks like crap. You're gonna be up all night anyways, pick up a broom once in a while.
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01-27-2017 21:58
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Obozo is no longer President. President TRUMP
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01-27-2017 16:38
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That women's march looked like a 200,000 bagger...
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01-27-2017 15:22
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Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
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01-27-2017 13:49 by gremlinsd
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This country needed a good weeding out. And Trump is the one who brought the weed whacker.
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01-27-2017 13:20 by Mickey
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Good lord if you just have to reissue a 20 year old joke, at least get the punchline correct. It's Kareema Wheat, not Kareem of Wheat. God Almighty!
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01-27-2017 12:15 by Big 'Un
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why call it a tree trimmer and not branch manager
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01-27-2017 11:50 by Mikey c
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"Shia LaBeouf" sounds like something a French person would say after a really raunchy fart.
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01-27-2017 11:39
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Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.

*smashes bag of Oreos and pours it on salad*
Eating healthy is great
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01-27-2017 10:06 by Mikey c
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Not ALL politicians are liars. Some of them actually believe the stupid crap they say...
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01-27-2017 09:41
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In other news, Buckwheat (of Little Rascals fame) has converted to Islam. His new name is Kareem of Wheat.
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01-27-2017 07:08
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I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn't actually catch the murder on video?lol
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01-27-2017 00:57
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