Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 1039 of 6446

   messageicon The one good thing Joe Biden will experience on Inauguration Day is that he'll no longer be 2nd banana.
←Rate | 01-18-2017 17:37 by Jus' Sayin' Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let's make humility great again.
←Rate | 01-18-2017 12:53 by CzovCzov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your Facebook posts are like your children. Some go on to become successful and others make you look stupid.
←Rate | 01-18-2017 12:50 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon every guy has got that one pair of socks with a hole and that big toe sticking out.
←Rate | 01-18-2017 01:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing to believe in is to not believe in anything.
←Rate | 01-17-2017 23:03 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cops think they are so cool, driving around in their flashy cars
←Rate | 01-17-2017 19:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Many people are afraid of heights. Not me, though. I'm afraid of widths.
←Rate | 01-17-2017 13:05 by Mickey Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'm the proud grandfather of a new baby boy. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
←Rate | 01-17-2017 13:02 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
←Rate | 01-17-2017 13:00 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Conflicted about Dems boycotting inauguration. On one hand, Trump hasn't earned their respect. But on the other, they'll miss 3 Doors Down!
←Rate | 01-17-2017 11:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had so much Chinese food for breakfast I can barely wok
←Rate | 01-17-2017 11:01 by Mister E Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
←Rate | 01-17-2017 09:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a very short attention span. Sometimes I bacon is delicious
←Rate | 01-17-2017 08:45 by Mister E Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so glad I don't have to hunt for my own food. I don't even know where sandwiches live
←Rate | 01-17-2017 08:43 by Mister E Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've just clicked on my phone's front camera by mistake, Yoh never been this terrified in my life!!!
←Rate | 01-17-2017 07:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did Lindsay Lohan Convert to Islam? If so she could assemble her suicide vest from all of those horrible movies she has made over her career.. Bombs.. get it..
←Rate | 01-17-2017 06:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon when I was 5 years old my teacher asked if I wanted to take the class guinea pig home ;.. 7 months later I arrived in the African republic of Guinea .
←Rate | 01-17-2017 01:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got home tonight and my girlfriend had on this little slinky outfit. which only really worked when she went down stairs .
←Rate | 01-17-2017 01:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Too bad after 146 yrs Ringling Brothers Circus is closing. Well, there is always Facebook. . .
←Rate | 01-16-2017 19:20 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to a museum and it had all the heads from the statues in other museums .
←Rate | 01-16-2017 17:37 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left