Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Why are people so upset about Kellyanne Conway on her knees in the Oval Office. This just happens to be the first time this event has been captured on film 
Thanks to the last 8 years, at least the east side has plenty of vacancies!
You never truly realize what you have till its gone. Toilet paper, for example.
A police officer came up to me yesterday and said, "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "Kindergarten." I need bail money.
Up until now, I thought "twerking" was short for "networking." Needless to say, today's business lunch was rather awkward.
Me: You are always so argumentative. Wife: No I'm not. Me: See?
Lent is almost here! Time to get your Ash in church!
LA LA Land won the popular vote.
alexa... make me a sandwhich
Moonlight not my Oscar winner. #thanksrussia #LaLaland2018
1. Go to Starbucks. 2. Order coffee. 3 Tell them your name is Waldo. 4 Leave.
German Scientist: "I've created a super broccoli to fight heart disease!" American Scientist: "I've created a way to stuff an Oreo inside another Oreo!"
How did people get their blessings before Facebook was around for them to type Amen and share?
I was never insane except that temporary moment when my heart was exposed.
Hollywood actors praising themselves...The Oscars smh
Oh Snap..I missed the Oscars again. That makes 35 yrs. in a row now.
Steve Harvey... The happiest man in America today.
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
I told my wife I wanted a 72" TV, and the very idea made her so mad that for a second I thought I had mistakenly brought home a 72" TV.
What if the first man to try and drink Milk from a cow had mistakenly picked a bull ? 