Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1007 of 6446

Every problem has got a public holiday. World AIDS day, cancer day, Labour Day and today Women's Day
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03-08-2017 10:36
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"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
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03-08-2017 09:49 by bob
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It's International Women's Day. That means only the women with sexy accents right?
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03-08-2017 09:36 by Diesel
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Rush-hour traffic is flowing smoothly, and there are no accidents on all major freeways. #DayWithoutWomen
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03-08-2017 09:06 by slyniti
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Daylight Savings Time: I say start it on a Monday at 5 pm. You wouldn't lose the hour on Sunday, and it would shorten Monday.
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03-08-2017 07:50 by Mick
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The truth shall set you free. Unless you are in court. Then you should probably just shut up.
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03-08-2017 07:13
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You never forget your first love. No matter how hard you try.
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03-08-2017 07:12
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"Don't MAKE me turn this beat around!" -Gloria Estefan yelling at her kids.
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03-08-2017 07:12
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I just called BS but it went straight to voicemail.
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03-08-2017 07:11
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When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st, and that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage
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03-08-2017 04:21
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My girlfriend is training for 2020 Olympics where she'll be competing in the Conclusion Jump.
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03-07-2017 23:21
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Interviewer: You responded to my question too briefly and you were hesitant. Me: I was thinking how stupid was your question!
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03-07-2017 23:14
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I've I heard people want to boycott Beauty and the Beast because there's a gay character in it. It's okay for a teenage girl to fall in love with a rabid, hairy dog, but you can't have a gay person in a movie?
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03-07-2017 20:17 by HotTea
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I'm going to say goodbye to some of you now. Let's see you reads my page. If you are my friend click like and copy and paste this to your fridge.
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03-07-2017 20:15
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Almost time to play my favorite Spring time game....'Guess how deep that pothole really is.'
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03-07-2017 19:26
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'We do not eat anything we find in the couch' is apparently something I have to say now.
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03-07-2017 19:24
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Hit a pothole so hard, Siri developed a stutter !
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03-07-2017 18:39 by Ceeks
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That awkward moment when you see a commercial for "Designated Survivor" and wished it was reality.
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03-07-2017 17:32 by Vertigo21
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A guy just busted down my door and claimed to be a Bounty Hunter. I said, "You won't take me alive!" He looked at me as if I had two heads, then stole my paper towels.
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03-07-2017 16:59 by Mick
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If you ever feel alone, just remember you can talk to the CIA using your phone or smart TV... #Vault7
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03-07-2017 14:13 by CrackY
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