Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1006 of 6446

My nickname is "wind" because I blow everything.
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03-09-2017 07:19 by Lisa
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Logic says the screw I dropped should be somewhere by my feet, but science says it's under the couch in the other room.

My daughter asked me why I carry a gun inside the house. I told her I was scared of the CIA. She laughed. I laughed. Amazon Echo laughed.

Dear Misandry. At the height of women workers in WWII it was only 2.2 million out of 103 million jobs. That is 2%. We talking german or asian is a feminist lie. Learn your history.
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03-08-2017 21:21 by Historian
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"A Day Without A Woman" result: 90 % of all men reported fewer headaches.
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03-08-2017 21:10 by Mick
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Women went on strike today, things still got done without them.....
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03-08-2017 21:05
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The guy standing in front of me should probably step out of line and go grab himself some sort of antidiarrheal medication. All he had to do was sneeze for me to be pretty sure that he has the stomach flu...
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03-08-2017 17:59 by John Y
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30 years ago today, "Licensed to Ill" was the #1 Album...
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03-08-2017 16:42 by XX-FOXY
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I bet toilet paper rolls in CIA offices all have the 4th Amendment printed on them.
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03-08-2017 15:52 by JiffyPop
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Interviewer: You responded to my question too briefly and you were hesitant. Me: I was thinking how stupid your question was!
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03-08-2017 14:51
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So does Caitlyn Jenner get a half-day off? #Daywithoutwomen
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03-08-2017 14:50 by Mr. E
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"If you build it, they will come." -Inventor of the Vibrator
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03-08-2017 14:49
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The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the heck up". And now we wonder why so many kids feel like they need everything...
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03-08-2017 14:26
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Happy "Go Make Me A Sandwich" day!

For those celebrating Woman's Day... A 'man' won women of the year last year...just sayin..
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03-08-2017 13:29
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Just had a bunch of Persian food for lunch. It was so delicious, but now I falafel.
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03-08-2017 13:28
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Day 3 of the flu is going well so far. I managed to brush my teeth without sneezing!!
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03-08-2017 12:01
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Today is International Women's Day, It was supposed to be yesterday, but they couldn't get everything ready on time.
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03-08-2017 11:44
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It's hump day, and international women's Day ... so make sure you hump as many international women as you can.
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03-08-2017 11:40
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Flu stages: Day one, feel like dying. Day two: Afraid I'm dying. Day three: Afraid I'm not dying...
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03-08-2017 10:50
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