Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1000 of 6446

I think I may have a wee bit too much green beer last night. I woke up this morning next to Paddy O'Furniture
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03-18-2017 08:59
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Science: About 71% of the Earth's surface is covered by water Parents: The rest is covered by Pokémon cards, Legos, and something sticky

Now we'll never know how to get to Sesame Street!
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03-17-2017 19:03 by April
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I just wish the light stays green at the intersection all day, today....
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03-17-2017 17:45
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No matter how low I lower the bar of expectation, some people manage to roll right under it.
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03-17-2017 16:13
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Don't eat the green snow!!!
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03-17-2017 14:12 by John Y
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The human soul weighs 1.3 lbs. I have no proof of this other than my friend who's an attorney saying that he weighed himself immediately before and after passing the Bar exam.
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03-17-2017 13:18 by Mick
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My "Kiss me, I'm Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.
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03-17-2017 10:31
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I got Jennifer Aniston's autograph! Well, it's on a restraining order but still...
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03-17-2017 07:42
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I've always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.
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03-17-2017 06:46
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Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.
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03-17-2017 01:56 by Zinc
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Ivm not leaving a will.. My final act will be leaving one more thing my family can fight about.
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03-17-2017 01:55 by ZINC
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My wife and I have different ideas on death. I want to be cremated when I die and she wants to cremate me now.
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03-17-2017 01:51 by Zinc
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Mexicans won't be paying for the wall, instead they'll be getting paid to build the wall.
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03-16-2017 23:22
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Work has been a pain lately. Too much stress at this stage of my life...and for that reason...I'm out. If only life were like Shark Tank.
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03-16-2017 21:58
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"Did you know you can make any quote seem legit if you put a famous person's name at the end?"-George Washington
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03-16-2017 17:23
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would it be OK to repeal and replace my EX ??
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03-16-2017 13:14
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Russia hacked my Yahoo email, which now explains why those hot singles never responded ...
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03-16-2017 05:26
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Q. What's the difference between a Canadian and a canoe? A. The canoe will eventually tip.
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03-16-2017 03:09 by Mick
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Lord this body has been a good friend, buy I wont need it when I reach the end. Though I know the outcome I'd do it again.
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03-16-2017 01:18
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