jake Funny Status Messages

   There should be a book "What to expect after marriage" for the bridegroom.

   A scarecrow is outstanding in his field.

   A woman's marriage proposal........ I'm pregnant

   How could he be the Lone Ranger if Tonto was always with him

   When I phone the child abuse hotline a kid answered the phone and told me to piss off.

   When we were younger my wife got a dolphin tattoo on her butt...... It's now a whale

   I don't always know what my wife is saying....... She can talk 50% faster than I can listen

   If at frist you don't succeed........ Read the instructions

   Alimony should be spelled allmymoney

   I think the word alimony should be spelled aliMOANy

   Sound advice: Never keep your hemroid cream on the same shelf as your toothpaste.

   Patient: Doc, I feel miserable, worthless, unhappy, and I have no money. Doctor: I see...... How long have you been married?

   Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. But smoking bacon will cure it.

   The evening news begins with good evening. Then they proceed to tell you why it not.

   They say crime doesn't pay. So does that mean my job is a crime?

   When I was a kid I thought earwigs were bugs that came out of your ears. So you can imagine what I thought when I heard about co*kroaches

   My wife is losing it, she told me she was seeing someone behind my back. But when I turn around there wasn't anyone there.

   Having one child makes you a parent. Having two a referee

   Another woman cause me to leave my wife. It was her mother.

   My wife says I only have two faults. #1. I don't pay enough attention to her. #2. And something else.