andrew jackson Funny Status Messages

   Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go

   I have nothing to update. I'm just making it look like I'm doing something at a party so people won't talk to me.

   Take the number of letters in your last name and divide that by your pin number. What answer did you get? That's correct.

   A large portion of my day consists of rushing frantically to places I don't really want to go to.

   Logic says the screw I dropped should be somewhere by my feet, but science says it's under the couch in the other room.

   I used to race motorcycles. Man, those things are a lot faster than me.

   It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.

   Shoutout to the American voters for narrowing our options down to the jerk from 'The Apprentice' and the inspiration for 'House of Cards'

   I wish I were full of tacos instead of emotions.

   Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.