Nobody Funny Status Messages

   I was once in a band called The Stepchildren. A lot of people pretended to like us.

   Someone who has a hard time keeping up with technology has added you on Google+

   Men may have created fire but women have discovered the art of playing with it.

   I just never wanna get "make my own belt holes" fat.

   Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.

   Girls who say 'G-strings are more comfortable than regular underwear' know that men hear 'I like things in my butt'

   Canadians watch US politics like Americans watch Jersey Shore.

   it cardio if you put on your swimsuit and have a panic attack?

   WANTED: A single girl who can cook, love and has a good Job. Must have a house and a car. Please send me pictures of your HOUSE and CAR.

   This girl just agreed to go on a date with me this weekend. Now I just need to email her my terms and conditions and we are good to go.