Mark M Funny Status Messages

   The Olive Garden is bringing back its “Pasta Pass,” which lets you eat as much pasta as you want for seven weeks. In a related story, Chris Christie just suspended his campaign.

   A classic model Bentley owned by Keith Richards sold over the weekend for $1.2 million and features a secret compartment for storing drugs. The compartment is called Keith Richards.

   The Grateful Dead are putting out an 80-disc live performance box set. No word yet on which Grateful Dead song it will be....

   Kim Kardashian announced that she and Kanye West are expecting their second child. They say they don’t care whether it’s a boy or girl just as long as it’s famou

   KFC is planning to bring back Colonel Sanders. Because if there's one thing that will bring Americans together today, it's an old guy dressed like a plantation owner....

   A new report says that 80 percent of sunscreens either don't work or have questionable ingredients. In a related story, I don't have long to live...

   It was April Fools' Day yesterday. So be careful. And don't forget to turn back your clocks....

   Your Apple Watch gets email. You can send texts. It has a corkscrew, nail clipper, tooth pick, scissors, tweezers, a compass, and if you put it on the floor and stand on it and it will tell you how much you weigh.

   Happy birthday to Justin Bieber. Yesterday he turned 21, which means he can be tried as an adult.

   I don't want to say the Oscars ran long but the kid from "Boyhood" just moved into a senior living facility.