Griff Funny Status Messages

   When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.

   When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.

   Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.

   According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.

   A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I'm wrong.

   If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes

   You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.

   Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ''Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?''

   If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.

   I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults