FLIPPHONESCOTT Funny Status Messages

   I HAVE SEEN MORE of tiger woods on facebook today than him on the pga tour in years

   i put my phone on plane mode and then it kicked my ass!

   ever look at somebodys feet and there toes look like Fritoes

   Man I am beat! Feel like I just flew on United

   i am starting a go-fund-me page to gave a giraffe a c-section

   DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE 2 GUYS THAT STOLE A CALENDER ? THEY BOTH GOT 6 MONTHS!!!

   i have been upgraded to Santas naughty list Platinum member

   I AM SO READY TO KISS 2016 GOODBYE!

   Named my daughter after my mother in law. In fact, Passive Aggressive Psycho turns 5 tomorrow

   DO YOU THINK BILL CLINTON HAS BEEN HIDING FROM HIS WIFE ALL DAY!