FLA Pauly Funny Status Messages

   Accompanied by girlfriend to a special screening of "Magic Mike XXL" last night. The nudity....The foul language.... The ladies screaming at the top of their lungs. And that was just me standing in line for popcorn....

   I just kicked an empty soda can and somehow scored a goal against Brazil.

   Westboro Batist Church founder dead!!!! Who's up for a funeral protest?!?!?!

   It's God Bless... Not Good Bless.... And that's why we look like morons!!

   I'm shocked that Chris Christie would be involved in the blocking of a major artery.

   Miracle birth AND resurrection! Making Frosty the Snowman my personal savior.

   Government opens. Confederate flags at half mast.

   Congress is making it look like the British Royal family is doing a lot.

   My girlfriend just asked me to make her feel special. So I gave her a helmet and a box of crayons.

   Read Putin's Op-Ed in the New York Times. This crap would have been a lot more believable if after every paragraph he said "....Mr. Bond."