Destiny Funny Status Messages

   dude your eyes are red are you stoned? no it's my allergies. what are you allergic to? Weed.

   If a b!tch is two faced; Does that mean I have the right to smack the hell outta her twice?!

   I just finished running 5 miles. Just fu@king with you. I'm eating a bacon and sour cream pizza.

   Hygiene Tips: 1.Don't 2.Smell 3.Like 4.Sh!t

   I'd appreciate if you'd stop calling me, but I'll probably respond if you decide to text

   I've got curtains that couldn't pass a drug test.

   man says to wife "what would you do if I won the lottery"wife replies "take half and leave your ass"husband replies "good,i won 12 dollars here is 6 now get the hell out

   would rather have a cure for the common hangover than the common cold.

   with great power,come's a great electric bill.

   nothing more say's you are a facebook stalker. Then updating your status with a girls name. When you meant to put it in the search box.