BOB Funny Status Messages

   Me: Hi, my name is Bob and I'm an alcoholic AAA: Sir this is triple A Me: I know, I'm explaining why my car is in the lake

   I remember when I was younger you use to be able to eat at restaurants.

   I’m really liking this social distancing rule. Can we make this law?

   Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you never go back" episode of Mythbusters.

   If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra size.

   I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card, I said to my mom, look I got a B in Reading, she said to me that's a D you moron!

   As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps.

   OMG.... I hate waiting in lines... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.

   It's really cold out there folks. If you're heading out to Walmart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.

   I was walking on the beach yesterday when I noticed this guy in the ocean splashing around and yelling " shark, help, shark!!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.