Funny Status Messages

   And scientists are also studying me to figure out how I am so handsome.

   Scientists are studying gary2.0s humor to determine how a joke can miss the target by that much.

   Gary’s sense of humor is so dry it could dehydrate a cactus.

   Salons always have hair on the floor. Garages always have oil on the floor. Banks what is your problem?

   Marriage tip: Randomly ask your husband, "Do you notice something different about me?" This will keep him hyper-vigilante as he is forced to think about you, and he doesn't have time to look at other women.

   I remember when I was a kid you could go to the store with $1 and come home with three bags of chips, two candy bars and a cold drink. Now, they have cameras everywhere.

   Accidentally called Alexa "Siri"... And now the thermostat is set to 90 and I can't unlock my doors or Windows.

   I'll simply never understand how farmers used to set their roosters forward 1 hour.

   My friend Tony says he does not want me saying his name backwards. I said why Not?

   My therapist said I should get an emotional support animal. So I got myself a chicken. It was deep fried and came with a milkshake.