~heZz~ Funny Status Messages

   life is like a box of chocolates..and sometimes you get ex lax....

   doesn't dress up for Halloween cause I'm a character all year long...

   Have you ever read a book or watched a film that touched your soul so deeply it changed your entire outlook on life? I just took a dump like that….

   Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, damn, you're good. Fool me four times…expect a drive-by

   I want to shoot and eat a lion. Not for his meat. But for his powers.

   spending all day at the furburger buffet...

   I wish I was made up of 5 midgets, like a human Voltron.

   Some people struggle with their addictions. I embrace them.

   BAD NEWS: I've never been in love. GOOD NEWS: I've never been in Courtney Love.

   When I was a kid, snow days cost $100 and only lasted a few hours...

   1 in 5 relationships now start online. The other 4 will end online.

   Tonight marks the 83rd Consecutive Anniversary of me not watching the Oscars

   But, officer, that school zone pulled out right in front of me!!

   "I like my popcorn a little burnt". No, you don't. You just suck at making popcorn

   I just came up with a new reality show. It's called "Pushing the Kardashians Into Oncoming Traffic." One episode is all you'll need....

   Life is all about ideas and who has the better one..

   The sad reality is, after 16 & Pregnant, Teen Mom and Jersey Shore, "Milf-Murder Acquittals" was probably going to be the next MTV hit anyways..

   So what happened?? Did London just find out about the Rodney King verdict

   Mayonnaise is now the largest ethnic group in the southern United States.

   If you had asked me a year ago, “what do think is more important, the Cheese or the Cracker?” I would have said “Cheese”, all day…But now, I've come to the realization, that the cracker plays an equally pivotal roll for this prominent combinat