rh Funny Status Messages

   Being in prison and being married are alike in many ways except in prison there is a lot more sex.

   All I wanted for Christmas was to get promoted out of the friend zone.

   I'm doing two count downs today. Liquor store to open & New Years! Don't dudge me.

   For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.

   I just had Déjà vu...and you were a b itch both times.

   I made this status nice and short so you can just move on with your life.

   "I can't wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver

   Ok effff it, I guess I'll go ahead and say it first, "new year new me!"