mm Funny Status Messages

   Jesus saves... He must shop at Wall*Mart...

   can't get this nicorette stuff lit.

   wishes Brett would just go away. Favre, Favre away.

   i got addicted to nicotine gum..now I smoke trying to kick the habbit...

   I can't stand little kids, I know I was once one. But seriously can't stand them...

   All these people on my list, and not none of ya talking to me... This is kinda awkward. I feel weird now..

   Happy MILK day...!

   They're called "Heated Seats" because "Rear Defroster" was already taken.

   This summer everyone should wear sunscreen, so the person next to you won't get sunburned.

   I'm glad McDonald's doesn't sell hotdogs. I'd feel really awkward ordering a McWeiner, and don't even get me started on Super Size.

   I enjoy walking in a convenience store and having the cashier ask if I got gas. “No…just a little indigestion!”

   It's funny when a Athiest needs a prayer they will ask for one. But when a Christian asks for one, they will be the first to make fun.

   Thanks to the words "dude", "bro", and "man", I haven't said my best friends name in 10 years.

   Some guy asked me why scuba divers always fall backwards into the water. I told him if they fell forwards they would still be in the boat.

   So does the voice that gives us the weather warnings have a name??

   Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves...?

   Today is nation Sloth day, it should of been yesterday, but they didn't get around to it.

   Haha I can see it now "pot stamps" for people that can't afford to buy their pot.

   I wonder how much it cost to pay off Michigans referees

   Don't you love that moment when you're cutting wrapping paper and the scissors start to glide.