miz Funny Status Messages

   not an alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink...I already have one

   wonders who says "open wide" the most, Dentists or Gynaecologists...

   What do you call a monkey thats always exploding? A ba-boom.

   Injunction - the new fragrance for women by Imogen Thomas. Indiscretion - the new fragrance for men by Ryan Giggs.

   Max Factor mascara makes eyelashes appear three times longer? Max Factor should make condoms.

   Why does Stevie Wonder love seeded hamburger rolls? Because of the jokes written on top.

   My middle finger gets a stiffy when I think of you

   I've just finished writing an epic new film series about dyslexic vampires. It's called the Twiglet Saga.

   and they have been telling me for years, salad was good for me, well f'ck that i'm sticking to chips.

   Brand new scientifically proven weight loss lipstick... Superglue

   Be nice to your parents, because your dad could have shot you into a tissue or your mum could have swallowed you.

   this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can't talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao

   you can always tell if there's a police car in our area... Everyone in our street flushes their toilets at the same time!

   Arguing on facebook is like the special olympics, even if you win your still retarded

   For Halloween I'm going to wear a pacman suit and chase Muslim women in burkas around the town centre.

   People think the pile of bodies outside my door is a Halloween decoration, it isn't. I've plugged the doorbell into the mains.

   Last year for Halloween me and my mate were meant to go trick or treating as a pair of breasts. He didn't turn up and I went by myself. I looked like a right tit.