melb Funny Status Messages

   TODAY IS THE DAY HELL FROZE OVER....I got to work at 815am...enjoy the cool breeze!

   IT WAS Professor Plum in the library with the candlestick...NOW EVERYONE GET OVER IT!

   I need a stunt double because I am so damn tired of jumping through hoops!

   something about a "BOEhner reBUTTal" just doesn't sound right.

   "GET YOUR ASS IN LINE"...~House Speaker John BOEhner's statement to fellow Republicans....I suspect a flurry of worker's comp claims.

   Blonde goes to the doctor very upset..."i have these dark circles under my eyes n no matter how much sleep I get they wont go away"....."maam, those r ur nostrils" @_@

   Got my heart broken recently...makes me wanna crack their skull....afterall fair is fair....right?

   OK, so there's a news report of a very large satellite hitting the earth tomorrow...but of course, we have no clue where...NOW, In my opinion, it isn't rocket science to just place a SH*TLOAD of magnets in the middle of the desert....right?....JUST SAYING

   ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeens, 4 friend requests, 3 I ignore, 2 annoying pokes and ME in need of happy hour!

   ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 relatives I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny updates, 9 "in relationship to single, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites

   DO NOT tickle me, Elmo!

   IT'S NOT EASY BEING A DIVA!!! It's a real workout...my heart starts pumping and I break a sweat thinking of the day I have of cleaning...and then suddenly remembering my housekeeper already did it for me. I nearly threw my back out getting back in bed!

   Stop blaming the holidays....you were fat in August!