mat2sm00th Funny Status Messages

   figured out a way to turn my dishwasher into a snow remover. I handed my wife a shovel

   thought john and kate plus eight was a porno.

   Scientists have found a ground breaking, all natural way to cure insomnia. They call it church.

   I hear MJ was on a number of rx drugs, weighed 112lbs, and could barely speak moments before his death. where can I get my wife that prescription?

   if you're single and unhappy, try being married!

   You're not a douche because you paint your face and dress up with spikes on your shoulder pads, you're a douche because you're a Raiders fan!!!

   Every womans' dream is a nice big wedding. Every mans' nightmare is a nice big wedding

   The more you watch Maury the less your kids look like you.

   got to heavens gate and god sent me back.....the good die young, I aint eligible for that

   Just sprayed my wife with Axe body spray. Now I'm just waiting for a bunch of hot chicks to come rip her clothes off like on those commercials.

   I guess having voices in your head isn't so bad if it's James Earl Jones or Morgan Freeman.