letsfly Funny Status Messages

   They should make Vodka ChapStick

   Just so all of my friends know, If I ever say the phrase "okie dokie artichokie" to you, it's a signal and means I've either been kidnapped or I've run out of vodka. One of the two

   So I just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God I love my boobs.

   I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

   i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if I failed the breathalizer.

   I made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if I failed the breathalyzer.

   On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

   You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me

   You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

   Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

   you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now

   i wanted to go smoke pot, so I told my mom I was getting tutored. she asked what time I would be back, I told her learning doesn't have a curfew

   Not guilty? This is the worst episode of Law & Order ever.

   This is the real me. Full of problems. Full of love. Full of lost. Full of hurt. Full of life. Full of hope. Full of happiness. Most of all.....Full of friends.

   when people ask....I tell them I been sober for 21 years.