john Funny Status Messages

   fighting the financial crisis

   You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life

   An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her

   Sticks and stones may break my bones but words ... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading to a lowered self-esteem and decreased work-related efficiency

   The weather in New York is partly cloudy and warm...just like A-Rods urine sample

   cellphones always killin the mood. chick texted "your ducking sexy".. sigh. so I responded "your spelling makes me think your on quack"

   enjoyed deleting 10 friends to get a free Whopper.

   If your thinking of watching...Scott Pilgrim vs. the World...Just shoot yourself in the face now and save yourself some misery.

   I feel like LIFESAVERS candy is overstating their importance...But just to be on the safe side I'm gonna go get some! If I'm found dead,I would like them to be sued for false advertising.

   I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

   I stand in an elite group, Procrastinators! The leaders of tomorrow...

   Dear Lord, Please give us back Leslie Neilson and will let you have Justin Beiber, Richard Simmons, or Snooki......your pick

   Who would have thought the Detroit Lions would have played the best football in the state of Michigan this weekend?

   In my opinion,nobody needs a girlfriend or boyfriend untill they get married...

   I had sex last night from 1:55 to 3:02...I thought I was a machine until I realized the time had just changed.

   Your eyes are red,the beer is green don't party too hard,your not Charlie Sheen!

   Todays suggestion...Someone just KILL terry jones,so more people dont die because of HIS stupidity. Like the GOVT hasent done it in the past,US citizen or not. Hell I'll do it,just give me the go ahead.

   What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side.

   4/20 is the day that some of you celebrate smokin dope. 4/21 is the day your employer (If you have one) celebrates random drug testing!

   I pretend to work.They pretend to pay me.