joey Funny Status Messages

   almost got fired at work today. I think I misunderstood my boss when she said she enjoys seeing me hard at work.

   Just found out I lost my concealed weapon permit, this means I can no longer wear pants in the state of Texas!

   They say milk gives you strength so I drank 5 glasses and still couldn't move a wall, I tried 13 shots of vodka and saw the wall move by itself!

   imagine Alicia Keys complaining in the grocery store, " THIS MILK IS EXPIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRREEEEEEDD"

   This ceiling fan I have at home has 3 speeds: 1) barely moves, 2) slow as a snail, 3) about to fly and kill someone!!