cj Funny Status Messages

   just another brick in the wall

   It takes 10 people to change a lightbulb because 9 of us are on Facebook.

   "Doh!, the stuff that buys me beer, Ray, the guy who sells me beer, Me, the one who drinks the beer.Far, a long run to get beer, So, I'll have another beer, La, I'll have another beer, Tea, no thanks I'm drinking beer and that's why I'm not here! "

   It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.

   It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

   Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

   I got a postcard from my gynecologist. It said, "Did you know it's time for your annual check-up?" No, but now my mailman does.

   Use this for•The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

   •Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

   •When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

   •Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.

   Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

   How do you keep a New Orleans Saint out of your yard? Put up goal posts.

   Gene Police: You!! Out Of The Pool!

   Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

   The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

   There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

   What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

   Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

   The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.