YourFavOriteAhole Funny Status Messages
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My dog once licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree from Everest
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I really dont understand interventions. What's the point of being told I have a drinking problem by a room full of reasons why I drink too much in the first place.
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Given that you can be anything you want on the Internet... I really don't understand why so many women portray themselves as skeeO's
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Out of all the Socially Transmitted Diseases out there, I have Instagram is my favorite.
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Thank God for my mother being so horny 31 years ago or I could have just died a slow death in a sock.
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Someone accused me of stealing his status that I stole from someone else... awkward!
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I bet Jay Leno is amazing at putting on pillow cases & folding blankets.
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Someone should really tell cab drivers not to Stink & Drive.
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You get a dozen chances to make a first impression when you're dealing with a pothead.
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The reason why it's so hard to understand Rachel Jeantel at the Zimmerman trial is not because she's uneducated, it's because she has multiple necks. So it just takes a lil longer for her words to travel.
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Guys, putting the word “Swag” in your Bio is a good way of telling girls you didn't finish school & your job is selling crack on the corner.
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Paula Dean is currently at home watching the George Zimmerman trial in disgust.
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