Will Funny Status Messages

   Happy Thanksgivings...Screw the turkey, I want to stuff my woman...

   I'm dreaming of a 90 degree Christmas

   My son finally found out Santa isn't real, but he claims he heard footsteps on the roof the last couple years on Christmas. This year instead of leaving cookies and sleeping, he's going to sit on the roof with a shotgun.

   What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish!

   If you see a fat man who's jolly and cute, wearing a beard and a red velvet suit, if he is chuckling and laughing away, while flying around in a miniature sleigh, with 9 tiny reindeer pulling him along, then you have to face it your eggnog's too strong

   Got a flannel sweater for the 9th year in a row. Thanks mom! Can't wait to see what I get next year.

   I was on snookies facebook and poked her. Now I need to get my facebook checked for herpes.

   It's going to be really funny watching 2012 in 2013.

   I'm pissed. Somebody stole my 330 million dollars!

   If you have to have a job as host of are you smarter than a fifth grader. Then you just might be a terrible comedian.

   I'm so good at sleeping I could do it with my eyes closed

   99 bottles of beer on the wall. 99 bottles of beer. Take them all down skip the dam song, drink em all at once with a beer bong.

   I went to Lowe's with a bucket of Legos and asked the manager if we could build something together. She threw me out.

   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

   Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

   We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

   You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you alot and think of you often.

   Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby.

   Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more. A friend or money?