Walrus Gumboot Funny Status Messages

   My wish for you is to get genit@l w@rts from Honey Boo's momma. But I mean that in a nice way...

   How come the girls with the sluttiest Facebook pages are the one's who talk the loudest about their Christian values?

   If I don't get at least one friend deletion on facebook every day, I feel as if I didn't do my job.

   Finished your 40 minutes on the treadmill, 30 on the elliptical, 20 minute cardio? Yeah? Now go read a book, dumbbell.

   First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!' Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

   There was a homeless guy walking down my street.. I was gonna give him a few bucks but his sign said: "ONE DAY IT MIGHT BE YOU". I put the money back in my pocket just in case he's right.

   Let's get it straight. It's not about the, "Right to bear arms", it's about the, "Right to arm bears."

   "That's it. I'm done. I'm never hanging out at a swimming pool again."~ Marco Polo

   Domestic terrorism is when my cleaning lady whacks me upside the head with a broom.

   Give me freedom or give me marriage.