VAN Funny Status Messages

   Two doctors are talking, one asks the other one "Can I borrow your Dictaphone" the other replied "No, you have to use your finger like everyone else!"

   wants to know that if god didn't want us to eat meat, why did he make cows so slow? Have you ever eaten a cheetah burger? Nope, and you never will....

   Heidi Montag says she's "not addicted" to plastic surgery. Much in the same way Amy Winehouse is merely a "crack aficionado".

   Only in a god-fearing state like Arizona, can you get pulled over, detained, and fined if your name is Jesus

   reality shows about cake bosses, exterminators, ghost chasing plumbers, douchey Jersey people , pawn brokers, repo guys, and vapid celebutards... what's next? A show about paint drying?

   If I see one of those "Baby on Board" Placards in a parked car on a hot day, Am I morally obligated to break into the car?

   Dislikes the "Green Earth" placards in the hotel bathrooms. Hang up the towel, you save the earth from extinction....leave a towel on the floor....a panda dies !

   not looking for a slut....just someone with slut-like tendencies.....

   Does anyone else see the irony that the game "Monopoly" is made by one company?

   Note to Taco Bell: If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck,Glue some hooves on it and call it beef....

   I belong to a gym...let me rephrase that, I don't belong there. but I go anyway....

   going to miss Glenn Beck and his rants.. For example "Hemp Growing Marxist fornicators are conspiring with the liberal media to fill the Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool with bong water

   Food for thought: The guy that wanted to destroy Western civilization, lived in a mansion, near a golf course, drank both Coke and Pepsi products while urging his followers to blow themselves up. No word yet on what was on his iPod.