Tim Funny Status Messages

   microwaving metal objects.

   wants a Sunggie made out of ShamWow material

   was thrown out of a casino for misunderstanding the use of a crap table.

   so he thinks he can make the desicion to change our healthcare over night, comin from a guy who took three months to decide on the color of his new bed room, and 6 months on a dog....

   not lazy, he's just phsycially conservative.

   thinks that they should change the name of Starbucks to Fivebucks

   wishes my lawn was suicidal, then maybe it would cut itself!

   Did you see the new scratch off Lotto tickets at the Quikee mart? The jackpot is a Nobel peace prize!

   liking ones own status is a sign of self esteem. (X likes this)

   doesn't believe "meat curtain" is an appropriate reference for a woaman's parts. But he has to admit, an Arby's "Big Montana" bears a striking resembelance.

   stealing mannequin legs -- the make great stocking stuffers.

   doesn't think both of the Dr.'s hands belong on my shoulders during the prostate exam.

   wouldn't join any club that would accept him as a member.

   What's on my mind? Let's peer inside and listen... "Meow, meow, meow, meow..." Wow! That was akward. 

   thinking about an Apple sporting goods store: iBalls

   ... so the failed bomb was sewn to the inside of his underpants? How does that impact his hope of 72 virgins? Just imagine his expression as they stomped out the fire. :O

   shocked by the attempted plane bombing. After all those emails about lotteries and wealthy strangers who want to transfer hundreds of thousands to my account, he thought we could trust the Nigerians.

   • Do you know one good thing about Monday? ...I can't think of anything either. OK Monday, here I come.

   Fripple - adj. Cold enough to freeze nipples. (etymology: combination of the words frozen and nipple) Ex. It is fripple cold outside,

   doesn't think you should put the pedal to the medal in that Toyota.