Surge yarmolyuk Funny Status Messages

   Haters are like crickets, you can't see them but you can hear them, and when you walk by them they are quiet. 

   Just gunna stand there and steal my fries...? But thats alright because I love your massive thighs...

   When you get pulled over for speeding say: "Two wrongs don't make a right officer. How fast did you have to go to catch up to me?"

   How do you expect me to respond when you say "oh", "lol" or "ya"?

   Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to windows 7. He replied "I still love Vista, baby"

   3 words, 8 letters. 3 syllables, 5 vowels, 3 consonants, 2 nouns, one emotion, many meanings, a big lie, a rare truth: I LOVE YOU!

   “HeY dUdE wHaTs uP?!” Dude, is your caps lock having a seizure?

   My super power is to slap people upside the head when they need it most. No need to thank me. Just doing my job.

   I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..they're where you left them, IN THE FRIEND ZONE

   Whenever you feel a warm breeze brush against you, that's the kiss I blew to you.

   A tongue may have no bones, but it can break hearts

   Life is a puzzle. Stop trying to place people where they don't fit.

   Love her, Respect her, Surprise her, Never lie, Care about her, Text her first, Keep her happy, and make her feel beautiful

   Life may not always give us chances, but it always gives us choices.

   I remember when 69 was just a number..BJ's was just a store.. & doggy style was a way to swim.

   'I wasn't that drunk' Dude, you threw my hamster shouting GO Pikachu.

   I'm not drunk, I'm just trying to walk like Jack Sparrow.

   Theirs a reason the rear-view mirror is small & the windshield is big, where you are heading is much more important than what you left behind.

   Its much easier to to turn a friendship into love.. then love into a friendship.