StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   You know what's funny? Paintings of Adam & Eve where they both have belly buttons. Think about it, take all the time you need.

   Don't glare at me lady! You're the one who named your kid Marco then yelled his name in this store!

   If the caller I.D. reads 'unavailable', then so am I.

   No officer I wasn't texting, that's dangerous. I was checking my Facebook.

   Relationship status: DTF

   Don't you love it when your iPod is about to fall, and your earphones save it's life?

   My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" and I sent it anyways.

   Someone's been sleeping in my bed, said Papa Bear. Someone's been sleeping in MY bed, said Mama. Why don't you share a bed?! cried Baby Bear

   I got gas earlier for $1.19....too bad it was from taco bell.

   It's not you. It's me. I don't like you.

   I've ruined so many good songs on bad memories.

   If you get sexted by someone you don't like...does that mean you got molexted?

   Time heals everything... except that stupid tattoo.

   When I watch MTV cribs I don't feel bad about downloading music illegally.

   I had 3 bowls this morning. 1 of them was cereal...

   I should be in Top Chef the way I Wake N Bake!

   Why is weed illegal and alcohol isn't? Weed is completely harmless man! Smh

   Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn't like.

   Everyone makes mistakes, accept for me.

   Hey, to whoever invented the zero: Thanks for nothing!