Slickpony Funny Status Messages

   so....my uncle came out of the closet yesterday....Oh, he's not gay....he just has Alzheimer's and thought it was his car....

   you know....I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader"....but I can buy booze!....so Booyah B!itches!!

   so....I think if you win The Voice, you should get to motorboat Christina Aguilera....but, to be fair, if you lose....you have to motorboat Cee Lo Green....

   you know....right now I'm pretty disgusted with MIA....OH, not for giving America the finger....but because we were >this< close to forgetting her annoying ass ever existed....

   did you know....that if you set fire to LMFAO....they'll become ROTFLMAO?

   so....I just found a bottle of 5-Hour Energy in the gutter.....there was still 18 minutes of energy in it....just the boost I needed....

   so....my wife is going to start an all-girl punk band....it'll be called Fistful of Midol....Yea, they'll only play for a week each month tho....

   so....unfortunately....I put the "tiny" in "Is it in yet?" :(

   This Unicorn soup is freaking delicious! ~~ Noah, probably

   you know....it seems Assholism runs in my family....

   you know....it's been almost two months since Christmas.....I should probably stop ceaselessly referring to my p*nis as the "Pole-her Express"....

   so....has anyone else ever noticed....that Kurt Cobain killed himself one month after Justin Bieber was born....I guess Kurt knew....

   you know...."Manuscript" is probably the classiest place to hide the word "anus"....

   you know....I'm still waiting on the "Once you go black, you'll never go back" episode of Mythbusters....

   "I used to love her, but I had to kill her" ~~ Guns & Roses celebrating Valentines alone, probably....

   "I want you to tongue punch your fart box" ~~ my worst pick-up line ever, probably....

   you know....they say one in every four men are gay....so there must be one in my group of friends.....I hope it's Michael, 'cuz he's super cute....

   so....I've decided I'm going to write the first Gangsta Rap adaptation of Winnie-The-Pooh....I'm gonna call it 'Tigga Please'....

   so....I often joke that my wife is too fat for sex....I call her 'Missionary Impossible'....

   It picks the movie out quickly from the Redbox or it gets the hose again....you stupid b!tch....