Slasher Funny Status Messages

   Dude what are you thinking!? She has a boyfriend!!! Yeah, so??? Just cause hockey has a goalie doesn't mean you can't score!

   "We're born alone, we live alone, and we die alone. Only thorugh our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone." Orson Wells

   I think I have pretty nice nipples for a guy. Not bragging, just stating a fact.

   Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, the middle one is for you!

   I miss the days when you could simply push somebody in the pool without wondering if their iPhone is in their pocket!

   It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown, but it takes even fewer to give the finger to whoever made you frown.

   Dear Math, I'm sick and tired of finding your "x". Just accept the fact that she's gone and move on dude!

   Dear Facebook: If I have 62 friends in common with someone and we're still not friends ... it means I don't like them!!! Take a damn hint.

   I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Microsoft Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my eleven page essay that I swear I didn't make any changes to.!

   Dear Facebook: Stop being like my Mom and suggesting people for me to be friends with!

   Nothing imroves creativity like a lack of supervision!

   The man in front of me is buying a pregnancy test. I think this is the one time in his life, where he wishes she sent him for tampons!

   When people start a sentence with "Do you know what your problem is?" I interrupt and start telling them all my problems. They never expect that!

   Telus: “Your call is very important to us, Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.” :(

   [Average Salaries] U.S. Soldier: $54,000....U.S. Congressman: $174,000 (Not counting bonuses)....What's wrong with this picture?

   Your parents ask you to do something and you tell them you'll do it in ten minutes but you never do it.....

   I miss the days when I could easily guess the password to my parents computer! Now I have to dust for fingerprints to sign in :(