Shamus Funny Status Messages

   Inefficiency: Getting a letter in the mail saying a census is coming next week, then a census form a week later, then a postcard a week later saying a census came a week earlier.

   Went to see Hot Tub Time Machine... turned out to be raunchy, simple-minded, sophomoric, crude, brainless, poorly executed slapstick. Yep, it was right in my wheelhouse.

   Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna' be a great day.

   When you think all the way back to being sperm, we are all winners.

   Spell SWIMS upside down... this is going to blow your mind!

   Two mancode violations to report this week: caught a guy reading his horoscope out loud to his friends, and caught wind at work that one of my friends rode on the back of another guy's motorcycle. Flagrant.

   Breakfast was going well until that creepy new Tiger Woods commercial with his late father's voice came on... now I'm just playing with my oatmeal.

   Onomatopoeias are one thing, but then there are words that look like what they are... like bed.

   R.I.P. Mr. Steinbrenner... I never really "hated" your Yankees, just wish you would have bought the Braves!

   Following a successful off-season surgery, Favre appears ready to return for his 20th NFL season.... lobotomies must heal fairly quickly.

   Following a successful off-season surgery, Favre appears ready to return for his 20th NFL season.... lobotomies must heal fairly quickly.

   I tuned into the Miss Universe Pageant hoping to see Miss Jupiter, but it turns out only Earth entered the competition.

   born at a very young age.

   if the Cowboys are "America's Team," we might as well just learn to like soccer.

   I always wanted a good job and to drive fancy cars... finally I am a valet.

   i just hate it when I buy a loaf of bread with an odd number of slices. That last slice always seems to get neglected.