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   911 operator what's your emergency" "Are ya'll hiring?"

   It's official I'm suing my job for refusing to recognize my religion of being a bear and denying me my beliefs of winter hibernation.

   The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock this morning is the fact that it’s my cellphone

   I guess running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels

   Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights