SKoop Funny Status Messages

   It's always the ugly girls who are feminists

   I keep my standards low, so you don't have to!

   If you're going to slow down on the freeway whenever you see a cop, try not having the "I have a heroin condom in my butt" look on your face

   Guys, If you suck on a fat girls t!tty for more than 10 seconds, you will get type 2 diabetes. Fact

   I learn from the mistakes of others.... Who have taken my advice.

   I told my wife "you're like a drug to me." "Aww because you're addicted to me?" she said. "No because you're ruining my life" I replied

   What's 12 inches and makes women wanna have sex? My hunting knife...

   I like to close my eyes when I'm kissing a girl...That way the pepper spray doesn't get into my eyes.

   Apaprnelty hmoosxeulas aer teh olny oens brililnat ni unscarbmlnig snetneces leki thsi.

   My girlfriend and I are going through a tough period...Its actually her first...

   Teen pregnancy could easily be reduced if clubs had better lighting...

   Studies show that if you stare at woman's breasts for longer than 5 minutes...You are very likely to get a black eye.

   You take "the" out of psychotherapist.

   I don't wallow in self pity, I drink through it like a real man.

   I've tried experimenting with drugs. Putting acid in my wife's tea has been the funniest yet.

   Every time I go on vacation, my wife gets pregnant. I should take her with me next time.

   What goes "mhau namih uh bah booh"? A deaf woman when your standing on her foot apparently.

   Now they're saying cigarettes can cause rectal cancer. I'll be okay though, I'm always very careful to put them in my mouth.

   You know you are in for a sh!t day when you're sitting in the waiting room of an abortion clinic with your girlfriend & your wife walks in.

   If you come into my office smelling like sweet and sour chicken, there's a 33% chance I will lick you if these HR complaints are accurate.